Miscellaneous Musings

Humility and My Couch Smell Weird.

I had a dream last night about me knocking on a person’s door (someone who I have not talked with in about 3 years due to a falling out) and I promptly told her that I was sorry for being such a jerk of a friend. In my dream, I boldly stood on that front porch and I apologized profusely and honestly for hurting her so many years ago.

Then I woke up.

Lately, I’ve been asking God to speak to me…. I asked Him to allow my ears to open up and for me to hear what He has to say.

And I wonder if this dream was Him telling me something.

Of course I want to hear God, but sometimes He tells me things that i don’t want to hear. They often either hurt my pride or make me terrified. Asking this friend to forgive me is something that does both.

But I have been asking him to speak to me and to make me into the woman he wants me to be….so I suppose this dream is my own fault. It’s like asking God for patience. Be careful when you ask God for patience, because he usually grants your request by giving you a situation in which to be patient.

Maybe it’d be easier if I knew how the dream ended.

So I’m sitting here writing trying to muster up the courage I need to be humble. Being humble is such a foreign concept to my human nature. My brain and heart are still wondering what that means exactly.

I’m also sitting here writing this and wondering why my couch smells so weird…but that’s beside the point.

To be continued…

Addendum 05/06/2015:
i did it. My friend and I went for coffee a couple of weeks ago. It was awkward, and this will take some time. But she is offering grace to me, and I willingly take it.


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