A letter to our Future Firstborn

Dear future baby,

Even though we haven’t met, I pray for you all the time. There have been 2 or 3 times in the past year that I thought for sure you were coming, but then it seems that I was mistaken. I even cried a little because I was really looking forward to you. At first, I was scared to be pregnant… your mama has a hard time with unfamiliar experiences. They scare me. But the more i think about you, the more I’d really love to have you around.

A couple of weeks ago, I read Hannah’s prayer in 1 Samuel 2 when she was praising God for her little child after years and years of waiting and being teased by her mean-spirited counterpart (Peninnah, her husband’s other much more fertile wife… awkward, right? Polygamy is still something that confuses me about the Old Testament. Hopefully, I’ll have it figured out by the time you’re old enough to ask questions about it). I can’t imagine Hannah’s turmoil in her heart as she longed to have a child (especially in a culture where a woman’s reproductivity was practically her worth). Well, anyway…. I talk to God a lot about you, kiddo. I know He’ll bring you along in good timing, because His timing is so much better than mine. He’ll bring you along right when the world needs a particularly revolutionary person.

I have a feeling that you will be a radical human being. You’ll have big ideas and lots of motivation. Maybe you’ll change the world. My prayer is that you will be an advocate for the weak, and that God will protect you against all enemies. I pray that He’ll accomplish justice and mercy through you, that you will be afraid of nothing, that you will breathe every breath with purpose.

Please be patient with me and your dad, because we won’t have any parenting experience when you come. We’ll want the best for you, and we’ll strive to bring you up in a way that makes you a well-rounded human being, a caring person, an upright member of your community… you know. All the things that parents hope for their children.

We’ll teach you all the colors, shapes, and numbers. We’ll teach you how to walk and talk. We’ll teach you to read, and how to form your thoughts. I’ll make you macaroni and cheese, and I may make you try a few foods you don’t think you like, but it’s only because I love you. You can play video games sometimes, but I hope you like playing outside better. We’ll push you to be better in your weaknesses, but we’ll also encourage you in your strengths. We kind of want you to be our legacy, what we pass on to the world… but forgive us if we try all the wrong things first. We don’t want to shove you into the skin of a person you don’t want to be.

You’ll get angry with me sometimes, I know that. But please know that I’m going to love you unconditionally. You’ll probably lie to me a few times, and it will hurt my feelings. And sometimes, I’ll forget that you’re not my baby anymore and i need to let you make your own decisions.

I hope I’m a good momma to you. I’ve had a lullaby written for years, just waiting to be sung to you.

Looking forward to meeting you someday, sweetheart. Take your time, though… I won’t rush it. I just be here waiting with open arms.

Love,

future momma

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